i must’ve heard the question dozens of times this weekend. my answer varied from “cool” to “awkward” to a simple shrug of the shoulders. i dunno. while the event was played out in front of everyone, i felt like my feelings about it was a bit personal. that’s the kinda chick i am. yeah, i know that’s crazy cuz this was a very public situation. how can one b private? iono but i did.

fate allowed that 2 happen 4 me at the movie premier. much to my joy and chagrin, my mother and my aunt came. they couldn’t stay thru the entire showing so they sat in the back as to not disturb anyone on their way out. they asked me to sit with them. of course i wasn’t gonna say no to my mom. they sat waaaaaaaaay in the back by the door. so did i. thinking that i would sneak up 2 sit next 2 my gyrl after they left, i learned quickly that that would b an impossible task. the theater got waaaay 2 dark and waaay 2 crowded. so i sighed and relaxed back in the last row. a dear friend scooted up beside me and kept me company. thank Goddess he did.

i watch in awe as i saw my D, on the big screen. her head is pretty big in real life but this was ridiculous. seeing it 10 feet tall was surreal. seeing her laugh, smirk and flirt was something altogether different. but i was cool. for real. serious. i really was. then a kiss. then a touch. ok. i found my hand moving up to cover my face. really? really. i thought i was cooler than that. my friend held my hand. i squeezed back hard and never let it go.

during filiming, D told me about everything, every step of the way. i had my own copy of the script. i knew what was gon happen. but knowing and seeing are 2 different things. it was time 4 THE sex scene. i knew that everyone would b watching my reaction. i’m so glad i wasn’t up front amongst the rest. i really didn’t need the pressure. i liked my little private viewing from the back. that way i could relax and actually process things on my own terms. and it was alright. a little long but alright. afterwards i was so proud of my gyrl, i had tears in my eyes. held them back of course. i didn’t want 2 b dramatic and emotional in public. just not how i do.

the evening went by in a blur and so did D. she was buzzing everywhere. everyone wanted a piece of her. i wasn’t surprised. back at the hotel, we were so exhausted, the plush pillows and mattress easily defeated any thoughts we had of going 2 an after party.

the next day was more activities. and that’s when the question was asked. again and again and again and again. yeah, a couple of people mentioned the sex scene the nite of the premier. but only in passing. there was no way 2 have an in depth conversation in all that hullabaloo.

but in the quiet of the park, it was easy 4 people to approach with a “… oooooh gyrl! what about yo’ woman and that chick in the movie?!” some people reassured me as if i had no concept of what acting was. other leaned in close and waited patiently 4 me to vent or something. for real? seriously? was i supposed to be mad? this movie was presented. months and months ago. i saw the script b4 they started shooting. i met the actresses. i visited the set. how the hell was i gon turn around and act all brand new at the end and get mad? how silly would that b?

but honestly, it would b a human reaction. silly, but human. the heart feels what it feels and i felt proud. not jealous or threatened. she’s mine. has been for almost 7 years. if she ain’t mine by now, she ain’t never gon b. not that any of this was every a threat 2 the relationship. but one gyrl told me in the park that she doesn’t believe 2 many womyn woulda been cool with their mates doing such a graphic sex scene. *shrug* it comes with the territory. don’t date an actress if u can’t handle it. i can not only handle it, i loved it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iDQdFIrrM7Q
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JlGyzfUWKg0

Meanwhile, in another part of our country:
JACKSON, Miss. – A northern Mississippi school district will not be hosting a high school prom this spring after a lesbian student sought to attend with her girlfriend and wear a tuxedo.

so bascially, they’ll ruin it for everyone just cuz they don’t like what one gyrl is doing. seriously? the hate runs that deep. they don’t stop marriage cuz some(most) couples get divorced. but they’ll shut down a prom cuz they don’t want one gay couple 2 b there. un-freakin-believeable!

together for 3 years (that’s about 15 in lesbian years), u’d have thought they just met. speaking 2 each other with twinkles in their eyes and non-stop banter, they behaved as if me and my gyrl weren’t in the room. the studio was filled with the passion that emanated from this exuberant couple. the shoot was full of laughs and lust as they played around with different poses and occassionally forgetting the camera altogether and just got all up into each other. the shots ranged from silly, romantic, sexy and sweet.

so once again, i’m gon put it 2 the people 2 choose the one that goes in the calendar. check the gallery for the final 5 and let me know what u want.

the common stereotype about lesbians is that we hate men. i’ll speak 4 myself in saying that that is absolutely not true. i was a daddy’s gyrl all the way. i love my brother dearly. and i have a slew of uncles and male cousins that have made my life much richer. i don’t have a romantic interest in them but i recognize that they do bring a balance to life. i imagine that the only reason that that person said they’d get involved with a mommy if the daddy wasn’t around is due to the idea that they may be threatened by his presence. but if a person is worried about their mate going back, then it doesn’t matter if the baby daddy was there or not. there’s a lack of trust and that’s a-whole-nother issue.

i believe that kids should have the benefit of a father or father figure in their lives but not in that rigid traditional sense. i am of the belief that it does take a village to raise a child and think that that male figure can come in the form of granddad, uncle, brother, cousin and even friend down the block. while i was adamant about my kids’ father being in their lives and am grateful that he is. however, if he wasn’t, i would get past the disappointment and find other ways to get that masculine influence in their life. it’s sad to think that there are some lesbians that think that men were not needed. that’s crazy talk. everyone and everything in this Universe is needed. ( i swear one day scientists are gonna find out that the appendix did something great for us. but i digress LOL) males are needed. but i think how they’re injected into one’s life is flexible.

it’s not simple cases of womyn being in the closet and deciding that they can no longer pretend. i wish it were that. instead, there are womyn who are disappointed, let down, and hurt that honestly believe that being with other womyn will alleviate their pain. silly mortals. oh, so womyn can’t hurt other womyn? ha! and the irony of that thinking is that they turn out to b the ones hurting folks once they realize that they can’t pretend to be gay for too long.

i could create a set of encyclopedias with the stories of lesbians who get their hearts crushed by some bisexual that ran back to their camp. but really it’s not bisexuals at all. i think that most of these womyn are just not gay in the first place. they just want a warm body in their huts, free baby sitting or someone to help with the hunting. that’s it. as much as i wish there some sort of ritual we could perform to know who’s legit, we can’t. instead we go thru the trials and challenges until we meet with the hope of winning the prize at the end.

the prize of love that is all to romaticized among womyn. sounds obvious right? romance and love belong together. but not if u’r looking for it in all the wrong villages. i believe in the miracle of love as much as the next chick but too many of my sisters are way to unrealisitc to function well in relationships. putting up with a whole lot of bull that they know is bull but still hoping that love can come out of that. well it can’t. i know it. they know it and the st8 momma’s that they date know it. it’s high time folks woke up and quit walking over hot coals and voted the st8 MILFs off the island.

while i appreciate the fact that i have been accepted as the lesbian partner in this very religious family, i also couldn’t shake the feeling that they were stereotyping her as the man of the relationship. or maybe that was my over sensitivity talking. no, she did not give birth to the kids but she is still very much a mother to them. what if the kids were adopted? would people still have the same attitude? i doubt it. adopted moms are treated as moms. but since my mate is a dominant woman, she has to serve me and and honor me on this day for mothers as if she hasn’t been cooking and cleaning and rearing them for years. she was ok with it. but i couldn’t help but sigh at the idea that she still doesn’t have a place. no gift. no recognition for all the hard work she has put into our two children. only the kids understand her position. kids always seem 2 understand more than adults do.

we have all been trained and brainwashed to go with the status quo. it’s understandable when it’s st8 people. but as gays we have been forced to question the norm and search for what is right within ourselves. and yet, we too, apply these mommy/daddy stereotypes in our community. i have heard of studs who have given birth and people just shake their heads and look on in pity or even disgust. they lose their stud card cuz they chose to acknowledge what God gave them. a uterus and ovaries. here i am sighing again. studs can’t win for losing. they get put down because their not feminine but when they do something that is considered a woman’s thing, then they don’t count as studs anymore.

they’re not seen as mommies nor daddies. so are dominant womyn not supposed to be parents at all?!

i’m kicking myself for not having more stud designs in my card shop (www.cafepress.com/Kinetic_Cards). i wanted to acknowlede two mom households for Mother’s Day which i did. i designed some greeting cards for stud mommas too but the designs were ignored. no one had an interest in them so i didn’t put them up. i shoulda did it on principle. i’m now beating myself up for it. i recognize the stud mommies out there. i know u do a thankless job. and u do it completely invisible to the world.

anywho, here’s the other half of my rant on my previous post. while i think that womyn with kids shouldn’t just throw their kids on their dates, i think that womyn who date womyn with kids shouldn’t just up and call themselves a mother just cuz their dating a woman who is. i recently had a friend announce to me that she’s a mother. i’m like “whuuu? when where how did this happen?” oh her new gyrlfriend has a kid. oh ok. yeah, right.

so the minute these womyn meet someone they’re ready to start a college fund, miss days from work to nurse a high fever, buy underwear and discuss why little johnny is misbehaving with his teacher? HELL NAW THEY AIN’T! folks need to stop pretending and playing games just for a piece of ass. pretty much playing a role or getting played. i dunno which. none of these make shift momma’s are gonna put that child above all else at the drop of a dime but yet, they want 2 call themselves momma just cuz the chick they’re dating is a mother. it just doesn’t work that way.

i’ve seen womyn dating pregnant chicks. WTF? they just got off the dick and folks are ready to date and take over the duty of the father. how and why would one do that? honestly, i couldn’t date a person who just got out of a relationship that quickly let alone carrying around a remnant of that relationship in their belly. who’s to say if they’re really even over that relationship? but like i said, i can’t judge every situation as the same. it’s just not a good look. yet, there is no shortage of womyn (usually studs) who jump right in and start buying diapers. and then when the relationship is over, they quickly jump out of the role like it meant nothing. this gyrl once told me that she can get over kids just the same as getting over the ex. that sounded horrible to me. and not what a real mother would/could do. if any of these womyn were serious about being momma’s they wouldn’t take the job so flippantly and they wouldn’t quit the job as soon as the relationship is over.

of course it’s a common stereotype in the lesbian community that womyn move fast. it’s true love within the couple of weeks and turns into forever by the next month. i smh every time i see the pattern. but really have no comment on it if two people are single they can do whatever they want. however, when u have children i find it to be a terrible idea to drag kids thru this routine. i can’t imagine what it’s teaching kids to see this revolving door on mommy’s bedroom. kids need stability and some womyn are exposing them to a parade of dates. forcing them to have relationships with every tom, dick, harry, michelle, emma and sue cannot be healthy. it’s ok for mommy to have friends but mommy makes every new friend the new mommy or the new daddi to their kids. the kids form bonds and then when mommy doesn’t get along with the new date then that other parent is ripped from the kids life. i never suffered heartbreak as a kid but i see kids in this day and age getting their hearts broken at the drop of a dime and no one talks to them about it or helps them heal. kids are resiliant creatures….thank God. but must their resolve be tested so much? and unnecessarily so.

i understand that mom and kids are a package deal but it’s a precious package that everyone shouldn’t be a part of. or at least not without thought and planning. what’s good for mommy isn’t always good for the babies. kids don’t need 2 date just cuz their mom is. it’s drives me batty to hear these grown womyn playing house like a couple of little gyrls. just assigning role of the other momma or even daddi without even discussing parenting styles, spiritual paths or even coordinating work schedules (issues that i personally have experienced). but folks are so “in love” that they have 2 move forward quickly without even considering the little one(s). it all appears harmless now cuz they’re young and the affects won’t come out until many many years later. and by then it’s too damn late. they’re already on the path that mommy set them on.

what i wonder is if anyone learns from their past. i know womyn who admit that they’ve never had a long term relationship. if u know your own pattern why not change it up and take it slowly? especially if u got kids to consider. everyone knows that if u do the same things, u will get the same results. and if u’r getting your your heart broken or experiencing disappointment after disappointment with dates then it’s reasonable to say that the children in these relationships experience similar emotional pains? yes. they are human beings after all. and mommies need to remember that when they meet someone cute and want 2 move them in.