Stud Moms Get No Respect
Mother’s Day was lovely for me and my family. times are tight so we kept it simple. material gifts took a back seat. my gyrl’s family has a tradition in which the family gathers for dinner and everyone serves the mothers. all the place settings had our names and as the year before i was included and terribly flattered. however, my gyrl wasn’t included at the table of honor. instead she was relegated to the back with the children and fathers. wasn’t quite sure how i felt about that.
while i appreciate the fact that i have been accepted as the lesbian partner in this very religious family, i also couldn’t shake the feeling that they were stereotyping her as the man of the relationship. or maybe that was my over sensitivity talking. no, she did not give birth to the kids but she is still very much a mother to them. what if the kids were adopted? would people still have the same attitude? i doubt it. adopted moms are treated as moms. but since my mate is a dominant woman, she has to serve me and and honor me on this day for mothers as if she hasn’t been cooking and cleaning and rearing them for years. she was ok with it. but i couldn’t help but sigh at the idea that she still doesn’t have a place. no gift. no recognition for all the hard work she has put into our two children. only the kids understand her position. kids always seem 2 understand more than adults do.
we have all been trained and brainwashed to go with the status quo. it’s understandable when it’s st8 people. but as gays we have been forced to question the norm and search for what is right within ourselves. and yet, we too, apply these mommy/daddy stereotypes in our community. i have heard of studs who have given birth and people just shake their heads and look on in pity or even disgust. they lose their stud card cuz they chose to acknowledge what God gave them. a uterus and ovaries. here i am sighing again. studs can’t win for losing. they get put down because their not feminine but when they do something that is considered a woman’s thing, then they don’t count as studs anymore.
they’re not seen as mommies nor daddies. so are dominant womyn not supposed to be parents at all?!
i’m kicking myself for not having more stud designs in my card shop (www.cafepress.com/Kinetic_Cards). i wanted to acknowlede two mom households for Mother’s Day which i did. i designed some greeting cards for stud mommas too but the designs were ignored. no one had an interest in them so i didn’t put them up. i shoulda did it on principle. i’m now beating myself up for it. i recognize the stud mommies out there. i know u do a thankless job. and u do it completely invisible to the world.
amen! i so feel where you are coming from. as a dominant partner who takes care of my lady’s daughter i appreciate the recognition, love. like, when i went to apply for my job i told the interviewer that i may need some days off because i have a two-year old daughter. she had the most disgusted look on her face and would not let me off once when my baby had to be rushed to the e.r. one afternoon. i have been in this child’s life for almost a year and a half. i believe i need more credit than we receive. again, i thank you. [and thank you for allowing me this little box to vent in, hardcandycalendar.com]. lol =)
Awww, I’m not sure if it is intended or not, but some of this serves as a fitting tribute to your gyrl for her motherhood and for rearing rear your children together. It was my pleasure to serve my girl on her special day.
Your other point about studs giving birth and societies view of them as parents is on point. Their view of dominant women as a whole is unwarranted and further attributes to our invisibility at least in a positive light in the public eye. It’s tiring to say the least.
My hats off to stud moms who know their role in their childrens lives.
Dayum! That is soooooooo on point! As a stud parent, I have much respect to every stud/butch woman that steps up to the plate, no matter how society treats her!
