hardcandycalendar.com BLOG

since Mother’s Day is approaching, i thought i’d start take this chance to talk about mommas. yes, there are moms in the gay community! Lots of them. with the changing climate of society more and more womyn are coming out of the closet and some are simply trying it on for size. but regardless of the reason we now have a large community of womyn with children out on the prowl. which is ok. i would never expect anyone to deny themselves companionship just because they have children however, i wish more womyn would do it more mindfully.

of course it’s a common stereotype in the lesbian community that womyn move fast. it’s true love within the couple of weeks and turns into forever by the next month. i smh every time i see the pattern. but really have no comment on it if two people are single they can do whatever they want. however, when u have children i find it to be a terrible idea to drag kids thru this routine. i can’t imagine what it’s teaching kids to see this revolving door on mommy’s bedroom. kids need stability and some womyn are exposing them to a parade of dates. forcing them to have relationships with every tom, dick, harry, michelle, emma and sue cannot be healthy. it’s ok for mommy to have friends but mommy makes every new friend the new mommy or the new daddi to their kids. the kids form bonds and then when mommy doesn’t get along with the new date then that other parent is ripped from the kids life. i never suffered heartbreak as a kid but i see kids in this day and age getting their hearts broken at the drop of a dime and no one talks to them about it or helps them heal. kids are resiliant creatures….thank God. but must their resolve be tested so much? and unnecessarily so.

i understand that mom and kids are a package deal but it’s a precious package that everyone shouldn’t be a part of. or at least not without thought and planning. what’s good for mommy isn’t always good for the babies. kids don’t need 2 date just cuz their mom is. it’s drives me batty to hear these grown womyn playing house like a couple of little gyrls. just assigning role of the other momma or even daddi without even discussing parenting styles, spiritual paths or even coordinating work schedules (issues that i personally have experienced). but folks are so “in love” that they have 2 move forward quickly without even considering the little one(s). it all appears harmless now cuz they’re young and the affects won’t come out until many many years later. and by then it’s too damn late. they’re already on the path that mommy set them on.

what i wonder is if anyone learns from their past. i know womyn who admit that they’ve never had a long term relationship. if u know your own pattern why not change it up and take it slowly? especially if u got kids to consider. everyone knows that if u do the same things, u will get the same results. and if u’r getting your your heart broken or experiencing disappointment after disappointment with dates then it’s reasonable to say that the children in these relationships experience similar emotional pains? yes. they are human beings after all. and mommies need to remember that when they meet someone cute and want 2 move them in.